just... devasted

Today I came home for lunch, like normal - planning to visit with the dogs and do a load of laundry.  Instead I walked into shit and blood everywhere, and our beloved Crickett hunched on Kingston's beanbag, covered in poop and just slumped there.  My heart broke then... There was blood in the stool and she just looked so tired, and so sad.  I started to clean it up, and started to cry at the same time, because I knew what the blood meant - and I knew that when we made the call to the vet, that it was over.

I called Jerod, and we went through the painful experience of having to choose to end her life, or choose to watch her continue to waste away, literally - and die on her own in pain.

Crickett had a bone tumor that was attached to her pelvis, and over the last two or three weeks, she had lost the ability to wag or raise her tail, all of her muscle mass from her back legs had gone and the last few days, she has struggled to go to the bathroom.  She had lost 8 pounds from her already small frame.

We didn't notice the mass until she started to lose the weight, and even if we could have found it - it was in her bones. Based on the blood in her stool, and the fluid in her leg - it was also in her lymph node, her intestines and her bladder.

We did what we thought was best for her, and it is the hardest decision I have ever been faced with.  I had to choose to take a life today - and in my house - my pets are my kids too.

Jerod has had Crickett since she was  6 weeks old and she was just about to be 12.  Jerod and I have been together for almost 7 years, so essentially - she was our first baby.

She was an amazing dog.  My heart is aching, my eyes are burning from crying and I miss her so much already.  It doesn't seem real.

Kingston told the vet that Weasel was sick, and that mommy was sad that she was sick.  Then he asked the vet to make us both better.  So sweet.  Explaining to a four year old that he is losing his first pet is so hard.  And harder when you are half way home and he asks where she is.

God grant me the strength to get through this.  :(