Late on a Sunday night I am sitting wondering.. if there really is an upside to anger? I spend so much time trying to just count it out and breathe to avoid that emotion... Sometimes I wonder if it would be better to just get really pissed off and punch something or throw something, or call someone all of the things that I call them in the privacy of my own mind. Then, I am not sure that the object being punched would deserve it, that my knuckles would appreciate it or that I'd want to deal with any of the aftermath of getting that angry... then I realize that I am that angry.
I get mean, moody, irrational, and then I just resent the hell out of the person. Even if they are doing something that I would love normally, it because something negative. Sometimes I cannot get past something hurtful that they said, sometimes it is so many small shitty things that I have lost count.
At the end of it all it still leaves me putting up with more than I should to be happy. When you are so entwined in life with some of these people, how do you unravel yourself? How do you not be hurtful, but still be honest and get through the them?
I haven't found those answers. I am not sure that I ever will.
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