I am sad, sad in ways that I can't explain and even if I could - I don't know that I would want to. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I genuinely care about people. I get hurt by the stupidest shit because of it. Either my my own self doubt, or allowing my insecurities to twist what was meant around into something else altogether.
I live with the constant, internal nagging of my own imperfection and feelings of inadequacy. I am never good enough. And I am not sure if this is something that I am doing to myself, or continuing to feel it even though the causes of why I felt it before have been (mostly) silenced.
I thought that I had made so much progress at walking away from people that I allow to continually hurt me over and over again. Obviously I need to keep distancing myself from the hurtful people and embracing my friendship that truly are FRIENDSHIPS and not about convenience, need or ulterior motives. Honestly though, I need to learn to be more comfortable in my own skin, realize that most of the people in my life are there because they truly want to be there.
I am far from perfect, and I do not expect perfection from anyone else - there are others that think that way too.
Being mid release on a huge project, job insecurity, a failed marriage, a crazy five year old, being unable to find a decent place... plus EVERYTHING else... it's just a bit much right now. I am exhausted. I am frustrated and angry. I feel unaccomplished. Hurry up and wait to fight and fail. Kinda been the motto lately. I am ready to move past all of that.
Maybe if I tattoo 'I am enough the way that I am'... I will remember it and live it. It will hurt far less than everything that I have gone through.
