just... devasted

Today I came home for lunch, like normal - planning to visit with the dogs and do a load of laundry.  Instead I walked into shit and blood everywhere, and our beloved Crickett hunched on Kingston's beanbag, covered in poop and just slumped there.  My heart broke then... There was blood in the stool and she just looked so tired, and so sad.  I started to clean it up, and started to cry at the same time, because I knew what the blood meant - and I knew that when we made the call to the vet, that it was over.

I called Jerod, and we went through the painful experience of having to choose to end her life, or choose to watch her continue to waste away, literally - and die on her own in pain.

Crickett had a bone tumor that was attached to her pelvis, and over the last two or three weeks, she had lost the ability to wag or raise her tail, all of her muscle mass from her back legs had gone and the last few days, she has struggled to go to the bathroom.  She had lost 8 pounds from her already small frame.

We didn't notice the mass until she started to lose the weight, and even if we could have found it - it was in her bones. Based on the blood in her stool, and the fluid in her leg - it was also in her lymph node, her intestines and her bladder.

We did what we thought was best for her, and it is the hardest decision I have ever been faced with.  I had to choose to take a life today - and in my house - my pets are my kids too.

Jerod has had Crickett since she was  6 weeks old and she was just about to be 12.  Jerod and I have been together for almost 7 years, so essentially - she was our first baby.

She was an amazing dog.  My heart is aching, my eyes are burning from crying and I miss her so much already.  It doesn't seem real.

Kingston told the vet that Weasel was sick, and that mommy was sad that she was sick.  Then he asked the vet to make us both better.  So sweet.  Explaining to a four year old that he is losing his first pet is so hard.  And harder when you are half way home and he asks where she is.

God grant me the strength to get through this.  :(

flattered... I think not - oh, and happy fall

I know that imitation is supposed to be the most sincere form of flattery.  And normally, I would be flattered, but when it's by a psychotic bitch - I am just creeped out.

Seriously - WTF creeper LOL!  Get your own style, look, hair color, hair cut... the list goes on.

All of that aside - fall is upon us, and that makes me a happy girl :)  So many things are happening.  -Kingston is officially in Pre-K (growing up too fast!) 

-Fall decorations are going up... 

-College football starts this week. Go Bucks!

Favorite time of year.  Hands down.  

So ready for hayrides, hoodies, fires in the fire pit, hot chocolate, leaves and snuggles with the windows open.

super grumpy

Super grumpy and I am having such a hard time shaking it.  I know that a lot of it is that I never get a break from stress and drama, but still.  I have an urge to punch random people in the face.  It's sooo not healthy - even though there are a few that probably really do deserve it.

There is not enough ice cream in the world right now, but my Berrytini after curriculum night might have made me feel just a smidge better... Could have been my steak too... or my pretzel bones.  Or the fact that I went on a half date with my spouse and didn't have to catch a cup from being elbowed off the table, cut anyone else's food for them, or eat at the speed of sound so that my child didn't have a public melt down.

The weekend is almost here, and I am going to try to relax, only make one trip to Target (maybe) and clean the carpets.  Lofty goals, I know.  Maybe I will launch into round three of Fifty Shades...  :)

curiosity

Sometimes it is better to squelch the urge to go on a fact finding mission about questions that we got over not having the answers to.  We bury stuff way down for a reason, and remembering them can be more painful than we bargained for.  Just saying.

serene weekend

So... I pulled Cinderella duty yesterday on my kitchen floors yesterday (and will be again today on the bathroom floor - thankfully it's about a quarter of the size of my kitchen). I am convinced that while they look awesome, my muscles definitely are mad at me for my 3 hour scrubbing and squatting rampage.  I am more sore than an awesome workout at the gym.  Surprisingly though - I feel pretty happy about it.  I think I worked out some pent up aggression in all that manual labor.  :)  Oh - and my floors are clean and shiny too!  Who puts ivory colored flooring in the kitchen, really??

frustrating!!!

I find it INCREDIBLY frustrating when there is a double standard.

Honestly - I know when I do something that is wrong, but don't you fucking dare tell me that I have to stand and listen to someone bad mouth me and call me names in front of my child and expect me not to say anything about it.  I am honest about my motives and actions.  There is nothing worse than a liar.  I have no reason to lie - for better or worse - I tell the truth.  My mama raised me that way.  Even growing up - I always just fessed up if I did something dumb and they found out.  Less trouble for me in the moment and later.  I never have to worry about what I said - I don't have to remember who I told what version of anything - there is only one version - THE TRUTH.  It's actually a pretty noble concept.


 And you know - It's not like this is the first time that I have been attacked verbally, and I have always kept my mouth shut with this person.  Am I sorry that I stooped to that level for once? Yes - but what I said was what I honestly feel.  It wasn't meant to be an insult - it was truth that spilled out in a heated moment.

I can't take it back - and honestly it is a little cathartic to tell someone what you really think.  Even though I barely scratched the surface on this one.  I am sure that it will get brought up when it counts.  It's rare that I let anyone get the best of me.  I have had enough though for real...

weeee.....

Fifty Shades Trilogy - I finally caved.

So I caved and ordered the books about a month ago, and have been too busy to even open them.  This weekend I actually (by the love of my hubs) got to spend the weekend in my sweats and dive in.  I finished all three in less than 48 hours.  I see what all of the fuss is about!  These are great books, and while the actually literary part of these works is not the greatest - I loved the story, and there are plenty of thigh clenching moments that are described in graphic detail too.

Who wouldn't want a man like Grey??

I am already re-reading them because I read them so quickly.  :)  I am not at all ashamed either.

Laters Baby.

BEST QUOTE - 

“Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here. Only me. You are mine.”

Other favorite quotes...

"Laters, baby"

"We aim to please."

"You. Are. Mine."

and of course

"Stow your twitchy palm"