careful with your heart

what hurts is knowing that you care about someone more than they care about you.  in that is the realization that you go out of your way to keep in contact, because you miss them or are thinking of them, and it's met with ambivalence or a lack of response.  my instinct is to reach for anger, to be mean.  sometimes it wins.  really i just want to run away, hurt and sad and so many other things.

i just want to be significant like they are to me.  it doesn't mean that i need them to have the same sentiment that i do, but i do ask for them to respect how i feel and not take advantage or tread upon my heart.  right now i just want to remember to breathe, and that like everything else - this too shall pass.

check mate

i am having one of those days where i feel like no matter how hard i try, no matter what my intentions, and no matter where my heart is - i am just going to lose.  i am lost in my own head 90% of the time anymore.  i can't shake the insecurities... all of the sudden i am a green eyed monster of things of insignificance.  i am just never good enough just being who i am.  it stings a lot.


quote for strength:


“If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”  - Bob Marley ♥

Currently...

Watching: My inbox creeping to 1000, and my meetings creeping into my lunch lol

Thinking About: How to make my life less stressful, continuing to make changes that have needed made for a long time, and having the strength to just be who I am without feeling judged.  How much work I have.  Making good choices, sticking to what I think is right, picking my battles and piercings (inside joke).

Loving:  The changes that I am making in my life and watching the positive affect that it has on all aspects of my life.

Excited About:  Continuing to be healthy and happy for the first time in a long time.  And Christmas of course!

Reading: Just finished Bared to You and Reflected in You.  Need something new while I wait for the third one to come out!

Thankful for:  Good friends that come from out of no where and support you in ways that you didn't think they would or could.