cloudy... with a chance of disaster

A weekend full of panic, frustration and tears is exhausting.  Chaos, and uncertainty amplify my already worn thin sense of self.

This week should end on a positive note, though a busy and completely life changing one.  

Everyday, I find a little more relief, but also - I grow impatient.  I trust too easily, forgive too often things that I should not, and most of all, I am afraid of the very thing that make me so happy.  

I am afraid to fail, afraid to trust in my heart, and afraid to believe that anything is really real.  I am afraid that I will always fall back into not being good enough, always needing to apologize.  I don't know how to not feel like I am bothering someone with my presence.  I don't know how not to feel like a burden or annoyance.

More importantly, I am afraid of losing all of the strength that I have worked so hard for, because I cannot see in myself, all the things that I need to see and focus on.