mixed signals, confused hearts and moving on

So I did it.  I am out on my own. Other than the commute, I am happy with my choice.  Still a lot of struggle.  Still a lot of confusion over some of my friendships and relationships.  Some of which feel like they are going in the opposite direction of how I wanted them to go.  Others, well I am glad to be moving away from them, because I don't need to be held hostage in my own life and I don't want that happening to others that are my friends.

I can't decide if I think that I am changing and growing, or if things are changing around me and I remain the same.

I know that I feel that I am losing someone I care so much about, and watching it fall apart is killing me.  I know that I have a lot of people to rely on, and people that care.  And that's been such a relief and blessing.  But my heart still hurts.  I miss my friend, and they know.  I don't know whether to try harder or give up.  Either way - I doubt that I will win.  It's not my place to try to control the hearts and will of others.  I can only be who I am and hope they want to be in my life.

We constantly have people that touch our lives, for the better and some for the worst.  Always a lesson, always a reason, and always causing change. 

So even though I am still unsure with signals that are mixed from the world and from a friend, I move forward, because there are much better things ahead for me. ♥